Helping Children Grieve at Christmas

I received an email a couple of days ago asking if Bee Active Toys would be willing to make a donation to a local firefighters family for Christmas. The firefighter lost his battle with cancer at age 33, 2 weeks ago and left behind 3 children ages 7, 5, and 2. Last week an old high school friend had posted on Facebook about how one of her students had just lost her mom to cancer as well. The last Christmas my brother and I had with our dad was in 1977, Stephen was 10 and I was 7. Our dad died from cancer when we were kids too. Cancer sucks! I HATE CANCER, but that is not really what this post is about. This post is about helping the children who have to grieve at Christmas.

The woman collecting the items came in and I brought her into the back of the store. I told her, "I'm not donating any toys to the children right now. First off, I have had 4 different groups ask me about donating for this family already, so I know that the children will have many things." Adults feel great sympathy for what the children have lost and as adults, we seem to want to make up for it sometimes by giving the kids other things to help them "forget" their sadness. It's a normal thing adults do as they try and help kids ease the pain they feel. Especially when it happens so close to Christmas. Next I explained to her that I was going to give the family something they needed more than toys, but I needed to explain why because people who have never gone through it wouldn't understand.

For the children: The book "Lifetimes" I bet I have read it over 1000 times to my own 3 year old little boy. The book "I'll Always Love You" because one never forgets.
For the remaining parent: the book "Guiding Your Child Through Grief" because it's hard for a parent to grieve the loss of a spouse and still help their child too.
For the other adults in the children's lives: "What Children Need When They Grieve: The Four Essentials: Routine, Love, Honesty, and Security"

Clayton and I lost our Diane to cancer on Dec. 14, 2002 when she was 32. Trish, Mike and Abby lost their Ed earlier that same year too, so this always touches close to home for us. I had the benefit of being able to talk with Diane quite a bit about what she wanted for Clayton that year. One of the things she wanted, was for us not to lose faith in the joy and wonder of Christmas and to keep celebrating. She always loved Christmas. Her favorite Christmas picture was a picture of Clayton at 1-1/2 with a screwdriver in his hand, laying underneath the Christmas tree with me as I was trying to screw train tracks down to the platform holding our tree. Of course, keeping the joy in Christmas was not always easy for me to do those first couple of Christmas' and I imagine that deep down, I still sometimes cringe a little around the 14th of December, but I always remember and it brings a different meaning to our Christmas each year as we take out the ornaments, bake the cookies, and put the Angel on our tree.

This year has definitely been a tough one for Bee Active Toys and I don't know what the future will be but I am constantly reminded that there is a reason for every season, even if that reason was to provide some books to help 3 little innocent children grieve this Christmas. Christmas is a truly wonderful time of year and it is my hope that we adults will help our children with all of their needs, even when sad and bad things happen. I hope that these children are given the right guidance so that their loss at this time of year, will never overshadow the Joy that the Season can bring if we let it.

Never underestimate the power you have to make a difference. People may not realize it at the time and you probably won't be recognized for it but you can make a difference.

Merry Christmas Friends! And Peace to all!